The Saga Of Hanatarou
by TheFantasy
Summary: The iPod shuffle challenge. I may make more chapters of this, still starring Hanatarou. This is my first story, so please be kind.
1. Metal Madness

Love Gets Me Every Time – Shania Twain

Hanatarou wasn't exactly a ladies man. He wasn't a object of lust for the men either. They never really noticed him, and even if they did see him, they just focused on someone else, like Matsumoto or Hinamori.

Hanatarou was eventually roped into saving a woman called Rukia, who he barely knew anything about, by two men called Ichigo and Ganju. Recently, he had been cleaning the woman's cell. He felt sorry for the other woman, being jailed for a crime that had never once been looked at as bad.

He eventually managed to realise that he was in love with the other woman, Rukia. She would never notice him though.

Wrong.

They rescued Rukia, she kissed him, he fainted.

Love got him every time.

Demonoid Phenomenon – Rob Zombie

Fierce. Brutal. Powerful. Those might be words you would use if you were describing Zaraki, but Hanatarou was the exact opposite. He wasn't strong, he was timid and he could barely use violence without being sorry for it or being pummelled to the ground.

Eventually, there came a point in time where Hanatarou was needed to heal the substitute soul reaper, Ichigo Kurosaki. Ichigo had been wounded in yet another fight with Zaraki, who had always wanted to fight Ichigo 24/7.

Hanatarou had used his zanpacuto to heal Ichigo, but it had filled up the scalpel. Eventually, he had no way in controlling it, as it let out a familiar red blast which shot out of the hospital room, straight into Zaraki who was about to walk into the room.

Zaraki fell over, but quickly got up. Hanatarou was nervous, but Zaraki simply laughed.

He had struck a human battle machine, a demon, and yet the demon simply laughed it off.

'Hey, kid, how about we fight sometime?'

Hanatarou fainted.

'Goodnight Demonslayer' by Voltaire

Hanatarou may be a healer, but even he succumbs to sickness. He was unwell, and felt horrible. Feeling sorry for him, Captain Unohana sent in none other than Captain Kurosotchi to tell him a bedtime story.

Kurosotchi wasted no time in talking about dissecting humans, feeling organs, making chemicals and testing all his concoctions on Nemu.

This of course scared Hanatarou shitless.

Kurosotchi continued, talking about poison and how he felt it was a delightful substance. He asked Hanatarou if he wanted some.

Hanatarou said no, of course.

Unohana came in, and noticed that Kurosotchi was traumatising Hanatarou, instead of reading him a story. Feeling angry, she came in and started to shout at Kurosotchi, scaring everyone in Squad 4.

While the attention was off him, Hanatarou finally went to sleep, relaxing and being at peace.

Good night little healer, good night.

Kagerow – Des-Row

Hanatarou frowned. He was alone, and had recently been given a iPod by Kenpachi, who had recently got one from the human world. Nobody was sure how and they were scared to ask.

Kenpachi's iPod was full of metal songs, which had intimidated Hanatarou to no end.

Until, he found one song which wasn't metal.

'Kagerow' by Des-Row

Waking The Demon – Bullet For My Valentine

Hanatarou wasn't sure about who had created 'Soul Society's First Ever Screamo Singing Competition' or why someone had signed his name up. He suspected that it was probably someone from Squad 11, trying to torment him. He didn't know any screamo songs, the most hardcore song he liked was 'Barbie Girl'.

Kenpachi had went up first, then Ikkaku, then Ichigo and suprisingly, Yachiru went up and screamed so loud that it woke up everyone in Soul Society.

Nervous about going up, a hand was placed on his shoulder.

'Don't scream. Just sing. Your voice is simply beautiful.' Said Yumichika, who explained that he had signed Hanatarou up.

Hanatarou frowned.

Shakespeare's Sister – The Smiths

Hanatarou liked to read. There wasn't much to do in Squad 4, apart from either treating wounds, doing chores for the other divisions or reading medical books. Hanatarou chose the third one, not wanting to get involved.

He was confronted suddenly, by Captain Kutchki, who had an expressionless look on his face. He simply handed Hanatarou a book, and then flashed off.

'Hamlet, as told by Chappy the Bunny. Written by – Rukia Kutchki?'

'Love Me' by Justin Bieber

Matsumoto was a hyper active woman, who could've had any man due to her massive bosoms. All the men in Soul Society (except Ichigo and Kenpachi, who were a couple) wanted her.

She chose a man who was tough, strong, fierce and brave.

Just kidding. She chose Hanatarou, who was completely oblivious to her crush.

One day, she couldn't take it anymore and pounced on Hanatarou, smothering his face with her bosoms.

'Love me!' Matsumoto said.

'Help me.' Replied Hanatarou.

Scary Monsters (& Super Creeps) – David Bowie

The Arrancar were a horrible lot, soldiers created by former Captain Aizen in order to take over the world.

Hanatarou had met one before, a fast, slightly effeminate one who was battling against Captain Kutchki. The monsterous man had control over Rukia, and tried to make her attack him. Hanatarou was hurt, but then again, he gets hurt by a simple paper cut and acts like he's been stabbed.

There was one other monsterous man (if you could call it a man) that he had quickly glanced at.

A man in female clothing, who called himself Charlotte. He talked about how beautiful he was, and struck poses every five seconds.

Hanatarou was creeped out.

The man/woman was a scary monster, and a super creep.

'The Kinslayer' by Nightwish

Hanatarou didn't have a family to speak off, and was often upset about this. At least the other Shinigami had friends, Hanatarou had nothing. No next of kin. No family. Nothing.

The only person he knew was Ichigo, who was too busy fighting and listening to his iPod, blasting out heavy metal at full volume.

Ichigo never seemed to get along with his family, and often talked about fighting his father and how he despised his crazy dad.

Hanatarou often wondered if all families were like that. Ichigo was his father's next of kin, and would have to carry on his father's legacy/medical clinic when he passed away. Of course, Isshin would probably go to the Soul Society and still contact Ichigo.

Why couldn't Hanatarou have family? Why didn't he have kin?

'Inject Me Sweetly' by Blood on the Dancefloor & Jeffree Star

Hanatarou was a virgin, and he was proud of it. At least, he acted like he was proud. And for some reason, every time he said he was a virgin, thunder crackled. Could they even get thunder in the Soul Society? He guessed that the thunder represented his hope of finding someone.

But he knew that he would never find anyone.

He was a wilted flower, in a field full of roses.


	2. More Calm

'Fuel My Fire' by the Prodigy

Hanatarou was depressed. Squad 11 had forced him to undergo one of their training regemins. It had only been five minutes, yet he was burning up from exhaustion, and he felt terrible. He wished that he was strong, but even if he was, he wasn't a good fighter which pretty much flung that out of the window.

The Squad 11 members were watching him, sneering. He knew that Ikkaku was the one who had planned this, just because Hanatarou botched his treatment for the flu and accidentally turned him into a woman for a week.

Ikkaku had anger like fire, and this had only been proven by this situation. Hanatarou had tried to explain the facts, explain how he did it by accident, but Ikkaku wouldn't listen.

Why did he always have to be victimised. Why was he always the first one to burn?

It was because he had, by accident, scorched someone else.

Explosivo – Tenacious D

Hanatarou didn't know what marijuana was all he knew was that Ganju had given him some, and said that if he sniffed it, all his wishes would come true.

Hanatarou had sniffed it, and now he was running around the Squad 4 barracks, completely naked.

All the men laughed, but the women blushed.

Hanatarou certainly was 'bigger' than the other soul society men.

Prostitution Is the World's Oldest Profession – Cobra Starship

It was Hanatarou's birthday, and his fellow Squad 4 members decided that he should get laid as a birthday present.

So, of course they enlisted the help of Matsumoto, who seemed to sleep with anyone who had a penis. They were all happy about that, for obvious reasons.

As Hanatarou sat on the bed, nervous and saw Matsumoto come in, wearing nothing but her birthday suit, he had a nosebleed and then fainted.

Matsumoto giggled a little, but then sighed.

It looked like she wasn't getting laid tonight.

Eternal Life – Jeff Buckley

Hanatarou was a Soul Reaper, so he pretty much was guaranteed eternal life. At least, he was in his mind anyway.

Even if he was about to die, the Soul Society would save him, just so they could pick on him again. He thought that the Soul Society was mean, especially the Captains.

Only one Captain stood out, the pink guy whose name he could never remember. The guy was a drunk, and spent most of his time flirting with his lieutenant and getting hammered.

Hanatarou was glad that he wasn't like that, but wondered about what he would be like if he was a captain.

Captain Hanatarou, riding in a golden chariot, wielding a huge scalpel, battling fierce enemies and getting all the girls.

Oh, who was he kidding, that would never happen.

If She Knew What She Wants – The Bangles

Hanatarou had a crush on Nanao, a lieutenant in the Soul Society. He had fancied her since the first time he had laid eyes on her, but he didn't know how to impress her, or what she would want.

All she seemed to be concerned with was work, and Hanatarou, in his mind, wasn't very good at his own work.

He didn't think he could impress her.

But he did impress her, by stopping her Captain from throwing up on all her paperwork.

She hated the fact that her Captain was drunk, and wanted a man like Hanatarou, who never drank.

Radio Ga Ga – Queen

For some reason, Soul Society had decided to open a radio station, so that the Soul Reapers wouldn't get bored. Hanatarou had no idea how they had gotten stereos in the first place, let alone radio stations.

It seemed that every week, some person would come alone who apparently was Ichigo's abandoned sister or something, and become instantly popular, pretty, and good at combat despite no explanation.

Hanatarou had decided to just go along with the radio station, especially since he was named DJ of it. He played all his favourite songs on it, including the ones that he had heard from the human world.

He didn't know what a 'disco stick' was, but he wanted one, especially since Lady GaGa said it was good.

He played her songs non-stop, and the Soul Reapers got bored with them.

One day, all the Soul Reapers got together and barged into the radio station, and demanded that Hanatarou play something different.

"All we hear is Lady GaGa!" They all shouted.

Hanatarou frowned. He liked Lady GaGa.

'Billie Jean' by Michael Jackson (Put in because a reviewer likes this song)

Hanatarou only recently found out who Michael Jackson was, especially since the man had been sent to the Soul Society. Hanatarou wasn't sure what to think about the man at first, what with some Soul Reapers like Ikkaku and Renji calling him a freak.

Hanatarou liked the new person though, especially when the man taught him to do something called a 'Moonwalk'.

The man, Michael was a pretty good dancer, and Hanatarou was becoming good at it as well.

The other man was also a good singer, and often left crowds in the Rukon Village applauding.

Hanatarou only saw the man when he was allowed, since he wasn't usually allowed to visit the villiage.

But damn, the other man was cool.

'Senorita (Dance Mix)' by Jenny Rom

Hana meant flower. Hanatarou liked to dance. So usually, people called Hanatarou a dancing flower.

Hanatarou wasn't sure why. He wasn't very good at it, and most of the time it ended with Yoroichi outshowing him by dancing and Soi Fon staring at her in a very peculiar way.

It had been hinted that they were a couple, but Hanatarou wasn't quite sure. People also called him senorita, and Hanatarou wasn't sure what that meant.

One day he asked Ichigo what it meant. Ichigo told him, and Hanatarou frowned.

'Eet the Children' by OTEP

Hanatarou didn't know much about children. He didn't have much experience with them. All he knew was that they were young, and they caused havoc.

Working at the store in the human world, he had seen many children, complaining, screaming and running around like maniacs.

They were all like mini-Kenpachi's, running around and damaging things/people.

Hanatarou was scared of children.

'Move Along' by The All-American Rejects (Because a reviewer likes them)

Hanatarou was used to moving. He always had to rush around, tending to injuries, and never had any time to slow down.

That was why Hanatarou was exhausted, lying down on a bed and sighing, hoping that he could get to sleep. He was tired, and weak.

The first time he tried to get to sleep, he was told to move along so a patient could have the bed.

The second time, he was told to move along because Yachiru demanded a bed to jump on.

The third time, he was told to move along because Ichigo and Orihime were going to do foul things on it.

This time, there was nobody stopping him from sleeping.

He didn't have to move along.


	3. MiniFiller

With You- Linkin Park

Dear Diary, Hanatarou here. I've just finished another day of being tormented by Squad 11, but enough about that. I have a crush on the substitute Soul Reaper himself, Ichigo Kurosaki, but I can't tell him. I long to be with him, but I know I'd never be enough for him. Therefore, instead of trying to ask him out, I'll just write this short poem.

When I'm with you, the rain turns to sunshine

When I'm with you, life doesn't seem so gray

When I'm with you, all I can do is think about us together

When I'm with you, my life is complete

I hope that was an okay short poem, diary. I can't write much else though. Captain Zaraki got himself injured in a fight with Ichigo again, and I have to give him medical attention.

Goodbye for now,

Hanatarou

Heart Shaped Glasses – Marilyn Manson

Hanatarou had recently had a bit of a problem. He was healing people and filled up his scalpel, but when he checked it the beam of red ended up shooting into his eye, temporarily blinding him. He had to wear a pair of glasses for a week, which were shaped like hearts. Most people made fun of him for this. Hanatarou wasn't sure why though. He thought they looked pretty stylish,

Then again, they'd probably laugh at him even without the glasses, so it's not like they made a real difference. It did affect his medical care though, especially when he ended up accidentally removing Zaraki's eye patch, and then passed out from the sheer force of the riatsu.

He hoped that his eyes would heal, but he enjoyed wearing the glasses for the time being. Hanatarou suspected that the foul treatment was because his temporary blindness reminded them of a certain former Captain, who betrayed them.

Life sucked for Hanatarou, but at least he had his glasses.

Skipper Dan – 'Weird' Al Yancovic

Hanatarou was depressed. He had completed his Shinigami training, he had worked hard to treat patients, and yet he had never gotten any respect. He had worked so hard, just to get nowhere.

He was just a Healer guy, in the Squad 4 barracks. Nobody really noticed him, nobody really cared. It all caused him to cry inside, depressed by his life.

He didn't have any strength or raw power. All he had was a scalpel and the mind of an angel, even though he had been exposed to some pretty disturbing stuff, especially walking in on Ichigo and Rukia 'enjoying some activities'

He knew that he should've tried to become stronger. His dreams had all died, and nearly all his courage had died too.

He was an empty soul.

Sex on Fire – Kings of Leon

Hanatarou could remember walking in on Ichigo and Rukia all too clearly. He was just walking around the squad 4 barracks when he heard loud moans coming from one of the healing rooms. He ran up to it, wondering if it was a hollow, or an Arrancar. He opened the door to see Rukia and Ichigo, doing something he could only describe as a spread eagle. (Bonus points if you get the Chicago reference)

"M-m-miss Rukia, i-Ichigo, what are you d-doing?"

"Well Hanatarou, you know what sex is right?" Rukia asked.

"Yes, I k-know what it is, I've just never saw two people actually doing it." Hanatarou said frowning.

Hanatarou was pulled away by Captain Unohana, who then closed the door.

"Sorry you had to see that." She said.


End file.
